Tumblr Code.


If I ever see any of you in public, the code is “I like your shoelaces”

that way we know we’re from tumblr without revealing anything

I’m just going to say this to strangers until i find a tumblr person

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must keep reblogering!! Im going to be so suspicious if any one tells me this now!

Remember the answer is: I stole them from the president.

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931 notes

Tonight’s Agents of Shield Episode

OOOOOHHHHH MMMMYYYYYY GGGGGOOOOOODDD!!! HOLYSHOOTWHATTHEHECK! HOW COULD FURY DO THAT WHAT IS NEXT FOR MIKE WHAT IS IN NEXT WEEK’S AAAAUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I am crying right now someone help me :(

6 notes

Miley Cyrus should have been naked on the ball as it dropped

unclefather:

jesuschristvevo:

would you like some cream cheese on your beagle

keep your cream cheese away from my dog

Keep your dog away from my cream cheese

328,009 notes

jonboowart:

jonboowart:

jonboowart:

jonboowart:

there’s an old man on my bus wearing a sparkly devil horn headband i don’t understand

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now he’s wearing a hot dog hat this is not a drill

i’m putting on my dinosaur hat we can be hat friends

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he got off at the same stop as me and waited for me to get off the bus so he could laugh and shake my hand and then he just walked away without a word this is the weirdest day of my life

(Source: jonswagart)

102,714 notes

Wanted

Wanted
Someone to sing Bohemian Rhapsody with for hours with no foreseeable end

Bring some friends and we can have a chorus

It’ll make you wonder whether this is real life or fantasy

9 notes

Common Sense

I only listen to common sense if it includes nasty language

i.e I was loading firewood into the house from my side yard and I was asking my dad how much wood to bring. I then asked him if I could pee out there while i was at it, but he said I’d freeze myself. I was almost out the door ready to pee when my mom yelled ” If you pee out there you’ll freeze your dick off and it’ll fall off ” and I turned around and owed inside

nowimagineababydragon:

sweetprincemoth:

nowimagineababydragon:

My housemate is a geneticist and she plans to use her degree to create a goldfish sized whale.

Did she also consider a whale sized goldfish?

Yes.

The concept was deemed terrifying.

Try flushing that down the toilet once it dies

163,405 notes

cthulhu-with-a-fez:

adlersassistant:

worthyourweightinfanfiction:

ghostdrive:

#hello #i hate what you’ve done with the place 


Oh you’ve redecorated…
I don’t like it

i acknowledge that this house has had a renovation, but given that it’s a stupid-ass renovation, i’ve elected to ignore it.


Did you just

cthulhu-with-a-fez:

adlersassistant:

worthyourweightinfanfiction:

ghostdrive:

Oh you’ve redecorated…

I don’t like it

i acknowledge that this house has had a renovation, but given that it’s a stupid-ass renovation, i’ve elected to ignore it.

Did you just

285,755 notes

im-that-awkward-isabelle-girl:

what if you touched the booty and it touched you back

This is what Nemo was warned about

1 note